I got to this one in a sort of backwards way. I found the artist’s DeviantArt page via the Disney Princess club there (shuddup) and from there got to her website, her current comic, Thorn (which is great), and then on to As If!

As If! is one of the better story comics. Not epic manga. Not inner turmoil. A reliable gag-a-day with consistency and growth. Two girls, outcast each in her own way, make friends and stay friends through all the best that high school has to offer. But it’s not just a high school story–it’s much better than that. These characters are very human. They’re quirky and fun, without going overboard. I know people like Hunter. The secondaries are fun, too–I love that, despite all their difference, Hunter and Sandy have held onto their friendship. Angela’s little sister is quite literally evil (see Thorn). And the boys really didn’t get enough air time–they’re wonderful.

I’m really sad that it ended long before I got here. The entire archive is now available for download in zipped chunks. They’re worth the read.

Somehow this book wound up in the teen section of the public library. Keep it away from your impressionable young women.

The advice is not black-specific, it’s very general and you could find most of it in a myriad of similar titles. The most ‘black’ thing about it is the slang liberally sprinkled throughout.

This book assumes that the reader has a LARGE expendable income, loves designer labels, shops, drinks, and is concerned with image, image, image. It’s a confusing mix–sure, it preaches that you learn to become comfortable with your body… then advocates the wearing of real fur and makes PETA sound like a bunch of loonies you don’t really need to listen to. At all. Because every glam woman has her Team Me–Team Me consists of everyone from your hair stylist to your dentist to your furrier. (No one has furriers anymore. Not even WASPs.)

The book is wholly superficial and morally bankrupt. On page 22, Ms. Raines details the Twinkie Theorem. Essentially, you can always find money–not for what you need, but for what you WANT. Like a Twinkie: just search the couch cushions. Or a Louis Vuitton bag! “A bit of credit left on the charge card and couple of dollars (all right, hundreds) from the rent money.” The Twinkie Theorem advocates skimping on rent and putting yourself in credit card debt for a luxury item! Then it backs it up with a quote from the Bible.

The cover may look cute, but don’t make the same mistake as our library–this is NOT for young girls. The book does not include lessons on safe sex or making good choices in choosing who to become intimate with–just bring a condom. That’s it.

For a young woman, get The College Woman’s Handbook (Educating Ourselves)

For more biting commentary, look below the cut.

My friend and I were at the Princeton Public Library hanging out in the teen section when we found this book on display. It is not for teens. I feel sick when I imagine someone buying this for their niece. Don’t do it.

We flipped through it in disbelief, and a light-hearted poke at a bad book became really disturbing. This is all about materialism, spa trips, labels (Why NOT fly to Paris and get your Vuitton bag for less?!), and other stupid things. That’s not fabulous, that’s consumerism.

It’s not good feminism. Yes, you should feel comfortable enough with your body that you can look at yourself naked. But don’t then turn around and act like everyone is wearing real fur, has a furrier for fuck’s sake, and not wearing fur means you can never eat meat again.

Find categories for this review is tough–I keep wanting to list this under SHEER FANTASY or Sci Fi As Hell or, how about–Blaxploitation? This book isn’t made for black girls to help them get down with their inner goddess. This is a cheap shot at stuffing an already craptastic concept–the Young Woman’s Guide To Hip–into a growing market. I learned today that this niche has a name:

BAP: Black American Princess.

Folks, it’s an insult to be a JAP. WHY are you trying to turn this into a good thing?! It’s NEVER good to be a spoiled ‘princess.’ Princesses feel entitled to luxury, have no work ethic, and a vague moral code. This is not something to aspire to, and we don’t need to ruin that small but growing niche market–young black women raised in middle and upper class homes who have a real shot at continuing to better themselves. It’s like taking McDonalds to Russia and saying “Look at the shiny new restaurant! You don’t really want to learn advanced physics or those silly computers–you want jeans and french fries! Theeere ya go…” It hurts the cause.

As a woman and a feminist, I am outraged. As a white woman, I am appalled. This is the message my race’s bullshit is putting out? Be a princess! Get Louis Vuitton! Shame on you, Ms. Raines, for cashing in.

The Smart Bitches have raved about two of PC Cast’s books so I figured she was a pretty safe bet. And it was really just… so-so. Entertaining, but not madly so. I don’t know what was wrong, per se, they just weren’t as good as they could’ve been. And that’s not to say that they didn’t have some great points!

I took ‘em to class and had to defend them to a certain extent. I’m sorry folks, but I can’t read Shakespeare and memoirs of Auschwitz for months on end without something light and funny and a little stupid to break it up. These served nicely.

Divine by Mistake:
The gist is that there are other worlds/dimensions out there, and some people have ‘mirror images’ in other worlds. Shannon Parker is a high school English teacher in Oklahoma, but her mirror in Partholon is the Chosen High Priestess of the horse goddess Epona. Rhiannon changes places with Shannon, and Shannon receives multiple shocks on that first day. The woman who was her best friend in Oklahoma is now her slave attendant, her place as the Chosen is to lead all spiritual matters for the nation, and she’s betrothed to… a centaur! (Don’t worry, he can shapeshift.) Oh, and there’s this dark evil coming to rape and kill everyone.

Divine by Choice:
Shannon is really happy in Partholon and even happier to find she’s having ClanFintan’s baby. But, as luck would have it, Rhiannon’s been screwing around in Oklahoma, and her husband ClanFintan’s mirror, Clint Freeman, pulls Shannon back to Oklahoma in an effort to fix things. Shannon wants to return to her husband and her new world, but first she has to stop the big bad evil that has leaked into Oklahoma and is targeting her friends and family. …and Clint really is yummy. What’s a goddess to do?

Divine by Blood:
Rhiannon’s daughter Morrigan has been raised in Oklahoma by Richard and Mama Parker. But she has never felt like she belongs there. Voices whisper to her on the wind, but she doesn’t know who they are or if they’re good. She visits a cave and discovers that she can call light to selenite crystals. Things literally get shaken up and she winds up in a different part of Partholon, with the Sidetha. They call her Light Bringer and believe she is the Chosen one of their goddess, Adsagsona. Morrigan feels right here, she finds love here–but the whispers are drawing out the worst in her. Will she find herself in the same downward spiral as Rhiannon or stay in the light?

But I am STILL confounded as to what to really think about them! So lets make a list.

Pro: Fast reads.

These books go by quickly, which is a sign of a book that’s easy and enjoyable to read. There’s also a little compulsive–it’s hard to put them down. I polished off Divine By Blood in just a few days.

Con: Dialogue.

I’m a stickler for realistic dialogue… but this just felt kind of corny. All the way through. The Partholonians speak very formally, but they often sounded much more natural! Shannon’s got quite a mouth on her, but she’s also sort of mouthy in a “Too much damn exposition” way. The first two books are in her first person narration, and that can be both bad and good. It’s sort of like the Smartass Chick Lit Heroine turned 5 degrees to the left. Just missing its mark. What’s more, I want to hit Shannon for never trying to alter her speech to sound less like a foreigner in this world where no one but her nearest and dearest knows she’s not really Rhiannon MacCallan. D’OH!

Pro: Awesome world.

As a huge fantasy fan, I was immediately interested by talk of gods and centaurs. The world of Partholon is Cast’s happy melding of Celtic and Greek/Roman traditions. VERY cool. It’s depicted very well, and feels right.

Con: Divinity.

As an atheist, I have to nitpick at this stuff. The sheer love of Epona is enough to make Shannon and Morrigan forgive her for the old “You have to go through shit because otherwise you’ll never truly know good” argument? There were several issues that were more pronounced in Blood that I had to let slide. But those are probably part of the larger problems with Blood.

Pro: Funny!

This is one of those series that will make you snort with laughter or smile stupidly (or even sniffle) while reading in public places. The people on the train must think I am crazy.

Con: Thinks it’s funny.

Shannon’s smartass mouth thinks she’s a lot funnier than she really is. Sorry, Shannon. Every damn thing doesn’t need to be infused with Okie Attitude.

Pro: Smexy!

Yay for sexy! The build up of tension between the characters is definitely hot. Alas, Ms. Cast tends toward the bait’n switch. Look, sexy build up-! No, you don’t get awesome details. Bah.

Con: Not feelin’ it.

I’m still not satisfied with the connection between Shannon and ClanFintan. Yes, the goddess fashioned them for each other. But I think he’s a hell of a lot more committed than she is. He clearly adores her, whereas Shannon is more prone to distance. She seemed to have a much more zingy vibe with Clint, and when tragedy strikes in the third book, Shannon pulls into herself rather than reach out to her hubby. Fail.

Pro: Excellent secondary characters.

I really liked them all! Daddy and Mama Parker, Alanna, Victoria…

Con: Primaries don’t hold up.

I don’t adore Shannon, and she’s the effing narrator! That’s bad. I also never really got plugged in with ClanFintan, so that’s more points down. Morrigan seemed too much like mini-Shannon, and she also didn’t have enough of a conscience. Dark voices whisper things that make her act like a bitch, and she doesn’t yank herself up by her bootstraps til hours later? Bad girl! Even at 18!

Pro: Really good suspense.

No, really. I blasted through the battle scenes, because the drive is so smooth–it propels you through the action and you eat it right up. I only realized later how smooth it was.

Con: Cheap drama.

Every awful trait is attributed to the evil. The Fomorians are evil, so naturally they rape and impregnate women to further their species. Preyderi is a dark god, so of course all his ceremonies are sexual and perverted. Really, we don’t need the heaping on of extra-sick just to prove they’re so bad. We got it the first time.

Pro: They realize when they’re stupid.

So, you’ve arrived in a classical-era realm, and your goddess tells you the equivalent of your father in this world is being attacked far away and you need to take an army to help you. What do you do? Well, if you’re Shannon, you put on your cool new clothes, take your goddess-blessed mare, and ride off alone because you HAVE TO SEE YOUR DADDY. …then you realize that you are a fucking idiot because you have NO supplies, are still weak from changing worlds, and there really are lions and tigers and bears out there–oh, and creepy demon things. Uh oh. At least these ladies do learn.

Con: Divine By Blood. Period.

Sorry, but this book deserves its own section. I was hoping that the series would get better and be topped off nicely. Alack.

Divine By Mistake, the first, was originally published as Goddess By Mistake in 2001. The third (Blood) was written in 2007. Was clearly too much of a gap to be had. I was hoping it might mean Cast’s skills had gotten better–she has, after all, written a bunch of other books in between, including the two reviewed by the Smart Bitches. But, no.

The amount of time given to each major chunk seems off. Mistake felt a bit top-heavy, too. Both spend way too much time in Oklahoma, and not enough in Partholon, as far as I’m concerned. The arcs are: Oklahoma set-up, magical intervention, adjustment to Partholon, major goddess-proving time. Mistake managed to have a nice, thick chunk of adjusting/FIGHTING A WAR to let Shannon adjust to her new world. Morgie (Oh gawd, I’m doing it too… Morrigan is a bad name for this girl, and MORGIE is an insult to the goddess she was named for) slides straight into the crazy shit. Which I know is necessary for the Big Bad’s plans, but c’mon!

And yes, the name–The Morrigan is a Celtic battle goddess. She will FUCK YOU UP and then her ravens will feast on your carcass. That is not the right name for this poor girl. And she especially shouldn’t be nicknamed MORGIE. No one deserves to be called Morgie. But least of all Morrigan, battle goddess. The only vague reasoning I can think of is that The Morrigan is sometimes considered three goddesses in one, and so is Pryderi, the Big Bad Evil God. Not a word about that, though. So, BAD PC! BAD!

And, it was just too neat. And fast. Too many things got thrown out at the end without being processed. It was wrapped up, but not in a satisfying way. Epona got let off the hook WAY too easily there. And I really wanted to see Shannon and Morrigan interact-! Augh!

The worst part is that I am tempted to keep them, but I know that if I reread them I’ll just be disgusted with myself for it. So, I’m going to make myself get rid of them somehow. (Donation, giving away, etc.)

Sigh. They served their purpose, I suppose. I will try other books of hers, but hopefully I won’t be paying money for them until I know they’re worth it.

We know I like lists by now, right? I like lists. Below is a list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books from 1990-2000.

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (Read in high school, loved)
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier (should read)
   
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (should read)
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling (Read it, durr.)
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson (I hate this book.)
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman (Isn’t it interesting that the one about gay men is #2 but lesbians doesn’t quite make the top 10?)
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (Read it in high school, LOVED it.)
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry (Let me guess–it’s too much like communism, right? Get over it.)
15. It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris (Heaven forbid we tell children about their bodies.)
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine (These should be banned just for poor quality, nevermind the content.)
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck (I hated this book. In 7th grade. MUST we always give depressing literature to middle schoolers?)
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna (“Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body…”)
20. Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle (We used to have the whole series but I never finished them; I lost interest after the twins in the desert. The Biblical references meant nothing to me.)
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak (!?)
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl (?! I LOVED THE WITCHES!!)
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood (Another of my favorite books!)
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras (Girls, especially, should never learn anything about what their SINFUL bodies are for!)
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (Read it in 9th grade.)
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (The movie was… whom’ I kidding, neither compelled me, even with young Robe Lowe.)
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes (I heard weird shit about this in 7th grade.)
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein (WOT!? How–!? Shel Silverstein is the master poet for kids!!)
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (This beats 1984? Seriously? Probably for the prolific sex-happy-drug connections.)
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice) (*hackcough* Yeah, no kidding… I’ve only read the opening chapter because it made me laugh too much.)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole (You’re not allowed to ask, didn’t you hear?)
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl (…you’re kidding me, right? Is this a Freudian thing they’re complaining about? Or did the giant bugs give them nightmares? Or maybe it’s the universal theme in children’s literature of YOUR PARENTS ARE STUPID.)
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy (This title is almost redundant!)
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney (For some reason, I liked these books.)
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (I got a copy for Christmas! ^_^)
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding (I HATE THIS BOOK. That said, everyone should read it once.)
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Fantasies by Nancy Friday (Hellooooo…)
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya (In my high school, we studied the ‘magic realism’ in this book so we could talk about other cultures. Apparently, in other schools, they scream about witchcraft.)
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer (Now that… that was an interesting book. Because the kid was JERKASS. 7th grade scores again!)
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain (Hurry, Tom, Huck is winning!)
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford (…I’m going to need to see the forms to believe this.)
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

I have read about 18 of these books.

This year, pick a book from the list and blog about it.

Once upon a time, when I was eight, we went on a trip to our homeland, South Africa. And there we went to a used bookstore (of course, this is MY family we’re talking about), and there I bought some comics (Perishers!) and this book. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time. I hadn’t read much in the way of Boarding School Fiction, and a lot was lost on me. Back to the shelf. There was one scene that stayed with me, though, and we’ll get to that later.

Upon coming across the book godonlyknowswhere (I certainly don’t), I put it on by TBR shelves.

It’s definitely a first novel, with plenty of errors its intended audience (preteens) wouldn’t notice, but I do.

Our heroine, Angela, is a strange mix of wuss and smartass. She’s been bullied all her life for being fat and so she’s rather cowed when it comes to face-to-face interactions. She’s afraid of her aunt, who is the headmistress, and knows better than to put herself in the way of people who like to prey on fat people.

Angela knows she’s fat. She just wishes you would shut up about it and let her get on with her life, please.

She’s also quite smart. She sings well (but won’t sing in public because everyone knows Opera and Fat go together, and she WOBBLES when she sings), does well in classes, and has good survival skills. …and yet she lets stupid things slip by her.

It’s probably asking too much for a book for preteens to err on the side of realism. There are the usual ‘plot’ elements that could be easily avoided if the characters just used their heads. There’s young love making jealousy and stupidity go hand in hand.

What I like most about Angela is that she has the inner dialogue with her conscience. Her parents are religious people, and have gone to do mission work, leaving her at said boarding school. Angela’s mother has always insisted, before you speak ask yourself: Is it right? Is it kind? Is it honest? Is it true? At first Angela lets herself back down from what she really feels in the name of ‘nice,’ but she learns to stick to her guns when it comes to ‘true.’

Not one I’m going to make sure my kids read, but interesting from the perspective of an older reader who is studying writing.

I’m going to do my best to blast through a few, nevermind the intricate reviews and close readings. (I hate that term, ‘close reading.’)  My professors would be shamed.

And LOOK, I even threw one in for this evening! Whee! The Governess Wears Scarlet — only not really, unless ‘scarlet’ means ‘mourning black.’

This one gets props for the art actually matching the characters. Miss West is blond with a ‘bow’ mouth. The Viscount Steele is dark and handsome.

But WOT THE FAWK, man-! She NEVER WEARS SCARLET! This is not unlike the fiasco of The Barefoot Princess. Tell me, Avon, do you think we’re stupid? What she wears, and the colors of which, are mentioned frequently. As in, she’s poor and wears frumpy, faded stuff while working as a governess for the viscount. And at night she dresses up as a widow in black from head to foot, including a black veil–and trysts with an extremely sexy vigilante patrolling the streets of London. Le gasp! And she’s highly attracted to both of them! And Steele, as both lord and vigilante, is attracted to both the widow and his nephews’ governess! Double gasp! Though the back of the book implies that this double-identity mystery is central to the plot, it’s not really. Rather, the circumstances that have lead Steele to take in his nephews, and who is trying to kill the lot of them, is much more important.

I suppose the ‘scarlet’ bit is what poor Miss West continually laments to herself when she wonders if Steele could ever marry a poor dear like her… She is a SCARLET WOMAN, having sex in alleys with masked men!

The sex is quite good, I’ll give them that.

I’m poking fun at it because I rather liked it. The inevitable whinginess of the heroine in her era wasn’t too thick and I wasn’t bothered by it; her Progressive Female Heroine-ness wasnt’ really believable (she learned street fighting from a book in the orphanage library!) but she didn’t have that arrogant attitude that so often ruins such women. Steele was progressive and believably so–he wasn’t born to his title, he earned it. It had enough intrigue and spice to keep me amused. And it saved me one of those “OH MY GOD I HAVE NOTHING TO READ FOR AN HOUR ON THE TRAIN!” nights. Always good.

It did its job, and deserves credit for that.

School always knocks me for a loop. On the other hand, you’ll get some nice reviews caught up over winter break, including Oryx & Crake, Jitterbug Perfume, some plays, a little Shakespeare… Oh, and fantastic chick lit that was so good I bought the series. Yeah, THAT good.

See you in ~one month! -ish!

This makes me sad, because I wanted to give the trilogy to my mother for Xmas. But, we must soldier on! She can have an IOU.

Mwah to Libba!

See the cat, see the cradle?

Book is farking brilliant. My apologies that I’m not more coherent about it, but I thought it was brilliant.

Vonnegut is my new personal hero. In the course of Cat’s Cradle he needles modern science, scientists, and the people too stupid to bother learning science. By stupid I mean, people who don’t recognize the true value of just stretching your damn brain.

The plot is fairly loose, but it doesn’t matter. It’s all the asides and comments on humanity that are so interesting. Unfortunately, this means that the ending falls a little flat. I should try reading  the whole thing again in one shot without interruptions and see if that helps.

See the cat, see the cradle?

THERE IS NO CAT, NEO!